Last January, 2009, my birthday(Jan. 11) gift to myself was a Tarot reading from James Wells (see link for Evolutionary Tarot to left of this blog).This year on Jan. 11, 2010, I began my 59th birthday by re-listening to the tape recording James had made of last year's reading. In fact I even re-created the layout that we had used. When I initially went for my reading, James had laid out many decks of Tarot cards (it is quite amazing to see how many really creative and beautiful decks are available these days) and he allowed me to choose the one I wanted for my reading. It was fascinating to browse through this huge variety of images and wisdom. The Voyager Deck drew me in. It was my first time to see it and to my delight, discovered that it was made by collage. I have a real passion for making collages so I was excited to see these collage images in Tarot. Needless to say, I now have my own Voyager Deck!
In going back and listening to this tape a year later I was amazed at how current it still is and how much of the guidance I received is still extremely relevant and important now, a year later. One thing I really loved about James' reading was the "conversation" aspect of it. In readings I have had in previous years from other tarot readers, it was pretty much the reader telling me about my life and telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing or thinking about. That's probably why I haven't had a reading in a long time. It wasn't like that at all with James. With each card, we would first explore what the images meant to me and how they related to my current situation. It gave me a chance to explore my story from a new perspective. Then James would offer his very wise and intuitive insights, thoughts and observations. In that way, a larger and more complete picture was created.
The question I brought to that 2009 reading was "How can I create work that is both satisfying to my Soul and financially supportive?" We did an eight card spread, but after reviewing the entire spread, I decided, for this year, I would really focus on the first two cards. Just those first two cards alone could give me all the guidance I need right now for my work and for my life in general. In fact I would highly recommend this as an exercise that anyone could do with or without cards.
The first card was in the position of "What is unacceptable in terms of conditions, energies, etc. around my work? What feelings or situations should I back away from? What are the red flags?" I drew the Seven of Wands which struck me as a very dark card with many fearsome looking masks and sharp knife like objects. One large mask looked very disapproving and judgemental to me. There was a depressive and oppressive feeling in that face. 
I could certainly identify those feelings and the people in my work life who represented those kinds of feelings. James also pointed out the significance of perhaps feeling like I had to wear many masks or take on too many roles. I could definitely relate to that in a then current work situation. So generally here, the lesson for me was, when things feel like this, I need to back away. These are the things that don't nurture my Soul. James commented that it was important to also be aware of when my own inner thoughts and feelings may resemble what I saw in that card. It has taken me some time to really "get that"! Now I fully understand that there isn't really any point in trying to change my outer circumstances until I look deeply inside and see where I am harboring my own feelings of disapproval and judgement that I may be projecting towards myself and/or others. What masks am I wearing and where in my life am I trying to play too many roles? Where am I trying to be everything to everybody? Where and when do I hide behind a mask? Is this just more of that old people pleasing trap that I so easily fall into?
I could certainly identify those feelings and the people in my work life who represented those kinds of feelings. James also pointed out the significance of perhaps feeling like I had to wear many masks or take on too many roles. I could definitely relate to that in a then current work situation. So generally here, the lesson for me was, when things feel like this, I need to back away. These are the things that don't nurture my Soul. James commented that it was important to also be aware of when my own inner thoughts and feelings may resemble what I saw in that card. It has taken me some time to really "get that"! Now I fully understand that there isn't really any point in trying to change my outer circumstances until I look deeply inside and see where I am harboring my own feelings of disapproval and judgement that I may be projecting towards myself and/or others. What masks am I wearing and where in my life am I trying to play too many roles? Where am I trying to be everything to everybody? Where and when do I hide behind a mask? Is this just more of that old people pleasing trap that I so easily fall into?After allowing that card to settle into my psyche for a whole year, I am really understanding that my outer circumstances are doing nothing more than reflecting what is buried deep inside of me. Wow -- maybe I really am getting older and wiser!! I like the "wise" idea!!
The second card was in the position of "What are the acceptable conditions for my work? What are the "go for it" signs?" The card I drew in this position was Man of Crystals, also called INVENTOR. Initially this card struck me as somewhat chaotic with tons of stuff going on. James explained that crystals related to the mind and had to do with expressing feelings in a creative way. I could relate to that. All of the chaos in the card felt like the ideas and inspirations that were floating around inside of me. At James' suggestion I focused in on the image that stood out the most and it was a beautiful light purple crystal that appeared well connected to the Earth and at the same time was pointing upwards towards a solid looking structure. James offered the suggestion that "what is acceptable (in my work) needs to be solidly connected to the Earth and it needs to be pointing to something bigger than itself". He explained the INVENTOR as being visionary, forward moving and creative. At that point I noticed a bird with a large, bright clear eye looking out at the world. I grabbed onto that image because I have been experiencing a number of visual "challenges" in the past few years. Because my eyesight is very fluid and wavy and changeable, and I see the physical world in quite a unique way now, we determined that acceptable conditions for my work would be whatever feels fluid and visionary and unique. James also made the comment that "through my physical eyesight, I am carrying the energy for all beings who invite different ways of seeing things". This is a truly exciting thought for me. It totally transforms my experience of my "new" way of seeing the world. Instead of focusing on the struggles and challenges that my new sight presents; instead of thinking of it as something"wrong", I now see it as very right, very in tune with the uniqueness that I am here to express. The INVENTOR is about cultivating a unique perspective. It is about surrendering to surprises. No more trying to "see" in the old way which doesn't, and can't work for me anymore. It is a big relief to let go of that struggle.
I could go on for hours about just these two cards, and yet the reading had six more!! Maybe next year on my 60th birthday I'll explore cards 3 and 4!
Thank you James for this incredible gift. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your knowledge. Thank you for inspiring me with your constant quest and willingness to dive deeper and deeper into the great mysteries of Tarot, and of life! Thank you for the inspiration and clarity I have received through my reading and through all of the wonderful Tarot gatherings that you have created.
I would like to end this by offering an intention or prayer that we all move closer to finding those conditions that are acceptable and that nourish and support us on every level of our being.
I wish you all many blessings for the year 2010 -- and always.
Barbara
